News: there isn't going to be one, or at least the gold plated unicorns are not arriving any time soon. Even the most ardent supporters of this foolishness admit that now. Ever since Moggie let the cat out of the bag a year or so ago, when he admitted it might be 50 years before we saw any economic benefit from Brexit, they've been struggling to maintain their fictions.
It's possible I could be wrong. There's still time to do a deal, technically speaking, and even if one isn't struck it's possible nothing much will happen on 1 Jan 2021 and the weeks that follow. Food and vital medicines might still get through. There might not be chaos at the ports. And the pound might not plummet out of existence as a serious currency on the world's exchange markets. And, of course, there might be a less severe series of impacts like plenty of food being available as long as you like tripe and offal (and at least your pets will be happy). You'll get your life saving cancer drugs (or whatever), even if it is 6 weeks after they've cremated you. The lorry parks of southern England - i.e. Kent - will run smoothly, and even when they don't the drivers can always eat, use, sell or otherwise dispose of all the goods rotting in their trailers, on the spot. It'll be like a giant car boot sale. Such fun. And the best fed lorry drivers in Europe or anywhere else in the world. And I suppose it's just about possible the pound sterling will be worth marginally more than a pre-reformation groat.
So it's all still up for grabs, really, isn't it? After all, taking one example, the plummet in the pound's value against other currencies, like the Euro, may have nothing to do with Brexit. It hasn't been definitively proved one way or the other. (Though I could be wrong about that.) But I don't hear anyone seriously challenging the view that the pound tanking it is actually a direct consequence of Brexit. So maybe ...? But hold on, let's be broadminded, open minded about it - it is not, like so much else about Brexit, an established fact, is it? Well, in the interests of being broad and open minded let's hunt for something definitive to lay at the door of Brexit.
I can think of two things: the bitterly divided society we are, and the laughing stock the UK has become in the eyes of most of the other nations of the world. This is the true Brexit Bonanza.
Leaving aside the terminally uninterested, we have two blocks of roughly equal size, on one side the believers in Brexit, on the other, the Europhiles. Let's not quibble about actual numbers - there are millions on each side of the divide - and instead focus on that divide, which is a chasm by any other name. By and large, Leavers cling to their beliefs with a disturbingly religious zealotry, while the Remainer-Rejoiners are stubbornly attached to their views too. (And being in the latter camp myself, I'm completely sympathetic with the remainer-rejoiner voice.) At the risk of sounding a little pompous, and attaching too grand a label to the conflict, the two "ideologies" are incompatible. So several years have passed with proponents from both sides hurling abuse at each other from their entrenched positions, though given my sympathies I know which side has been indulging in the most heinous muck throwing. It's a battle being fought largely on social media, but there were demonstrations on the streets too - at least until COVID-19 struck - and there have been raised voices in kitchen and bedroom and living room also, no doubt. Friendships have been broken, families torn apart, probably. There's bad blood running riot in the land, coursing through the veins and arteries of our fragile social fabric.
It's simply laughable to think a national celebration of Brexit will heal any wounds. No amount of flag-waving and singing of Rule Britannia, in however many guises the organisers can think up, will reconcile the Europhilic Rejoiners to their loss. If there's one thing more repulsive than a bad loser then it's a bad winner. And the Brexit brigade have been bad winners from the off, from the triumphalist taunts of You lost, Get over it to the accusations of treason and exhortations to go and live in fucking Europe if you love it so much. (Oh, if only I could. I've had to cancel my plans to retire to Spain because it's just not financially viable any longer, probably!) And the Rejoiners, previously Remainers, have responded with a dreary set of insults themselves: Brexiters are stupid, ignorant, racist xenophobes. Mundane and predictable though it is, don't be fooled into thinking this bad mouthing will be brushed aside and quickly forgotten, like a family spat at Christmas or a wedding. There are simply too many people involved, and if the last few years have shown us anything it's that we Brits don't exactly have a pronounced forgiving nature. I'm trying to minimise predictions, but here is one: any Festival of Brexit will only exacerbate the bad feeling and further retard the hopes of eventual reconciliation, which will only happen when there is a widespread consensus about the right or wrong, the benefits or drawbacks, the wisdom or folly of Brexit. That day, currently, looks a long way off.
And now to the other part of the true Brexit Bonanza, the UK's risibly tattered international reputation. Regardless of the merits (or otherwise) of the Brexit enterprise, opinion around the world seems solidly behind the proposition that we Brits have taken leave of our collective senses. Maybe if we'd had a compelling argument - why Brexit is more than likely to be absolutely wonderfully great for the UK - fronted by competent, well meaning leaders, we could have salvaged something and retained a respectable standing in the international community. The trouble is, no one has ever presented an argument for Brexit beyond the xenophobic Brussels bashing tripe and wishy washy notions of regaining sovereignty and control. Maybe that's the problem, there isn't a decent argument to be made, or there isn't anyone capable of articulating it. And even then, there ought to have been a reasonable chance of conducting affairs in a way that wouldn't so disastrously imperil our prestige. Guess what? We've had gangsters and dullards in charge. Is it really any wonder the eyes of the world look at us agog, with a mixture of astonishment, pity and despair?
So there we have it, the true and indisputable Brexit Bonanza: a country riven with irreconcilable antagonisms, written off as mad, bad and irrelevant by the rest of the world.
Enjoy!
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